why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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