dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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