sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We have started to decorate penises.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
