Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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