I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
