angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
