way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
