from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
