I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
