a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
