remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
