i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
