Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
