u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
