I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
