you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
