does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
