Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
