Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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