she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
