I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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