Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
