i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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