I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
