do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
