my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
