this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
