Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
