I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
