We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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