Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
