im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
