how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
