I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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