I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
