You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
