this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
