and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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