i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
