so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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