The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
