I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
