Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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