So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
