I am in a vortex of obligation.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
PANTIES FOUND
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