Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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