this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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