shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
