My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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