you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
