It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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