I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
