Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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