Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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